i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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