Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
