Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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