i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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