Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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