i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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