her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
