I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
