babies were throwing up all over the place
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
