i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
