That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
