am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
