it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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