and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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