Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
