Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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