peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
