you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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