Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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