Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
