I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
