Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
