just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
