im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
