I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
