See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
