i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
