He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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