yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
