Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
