I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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