Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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