Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
