My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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