I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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