At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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