Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

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(512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone. http://tfl.nu/t7gq

Replies (19) Good night (1144) Bad night (3114)
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(706): View more from Georgia

im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick

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(706): im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick http://tfl.nu/2n7z

Replies (19) Good night (1011) Bad night (3304)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

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(314): Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there. http://tfl.nu/ndt3

Replies (24) Good night (4898) Bad night (939)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.

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(617): creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/jtst

Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (4221)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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(504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11

Replies (22) Good night (1445) Bad night (5343)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?

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(780): I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots? http://tfl.nu/1jdo

Replies (8) Good night (1789) Bad night (1190)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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(250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4

Replies (13) Good night (3359) Bad night (682)
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(914): View more from New York

I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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(914): I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem. http://tfl.nu/p4yj

Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (594)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.

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(410): Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity. http://tfl.nu/9x3b

Replies (7) Good night (583) Bad night (1314)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.

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(501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie. http://tfl.nu/eccp

Replies (4) Good night (2149) Bad night (567)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.

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(484): future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/vyz8

Replies (9) Good night (1684) Bad night (517)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"

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(586): Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face" http://tfl.nu/ajht

Replies (6) Good night (2178) Bad night (578)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

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(617): pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle. http://tfl.nu/r2o0

Replies (3) Good night (3055) Bad night (503)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.

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(507): He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool. http://tfl.nu/651b

Replies (6) Good night (1150) Bad night (495)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.

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(816): Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going. http://tfl.nu/sjn0

Replies (11) Good night (2529) Bad night (753)

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