Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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  (813): If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story. http://tfl.nu/womj
  Replies (14) Good night (834) Bad night (2608)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

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  (208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum
  Replies (18) Good night (7470) Bad night (1452)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...

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  (616): So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes... http://tfl.nu/3so6
  Replies (6) Good night (3606) Bad night (1093)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.

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  (423): You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti. http://tfl.nu/u3mr
  Replies (2) Good night (1141) Bad night (2009)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

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  (406): i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned. http://tfl.nu/dk6w
  Replies (18) Good night (3002) Bad night (1991)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?

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  (919): What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room? http://tfl.nu/ulxd
  Replies (4) Good night (1333) Bad night (532)
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  (707): View more from California

  Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms

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  (707): Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms http://tfl.nu/5oim
  Replies (9) Good night (526) Bad night (1346)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

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  (641): and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/ilw7
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (581)
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  (650): View more from California

  That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.

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  (650): That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands. http://tfl.nu/y7oo
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (1138)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car

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  (703): I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car http://tfl.nu/t9eq
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (471)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1507) Bad night (504)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car

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  (201): I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car http://tfl.nu/h2al
  Replies (11) Good night (588) Bad night (417)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.

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  (248): Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin. http://tfl.nu/4lxb
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (379)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.

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  (979): Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo. http://tfl.nu/7yqz
  Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.

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  (703): You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/3xuk
  Replies (0) Good night (920) Bad night (357)

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