I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.