He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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