Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
