Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.