Do you still have your period?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
