Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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