I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
