My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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