so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are a genius and a whore.
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