i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
