I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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