he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
