So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
