Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
