Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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