I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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