we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
4 words: hood of his car
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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