Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
