can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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