$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
