What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
