Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
