Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
