I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
