I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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