Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
