You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
