sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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