apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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