And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
