According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
