if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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