meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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