laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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