If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
