...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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