Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
