he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
false alarm, still single
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