I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
