you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
