Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
