Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize