I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
