omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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