she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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