her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
