Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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