I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
